Green Eyed.

I hate feeling this way.

It's annoying me, but I can't seem to stop feeling this way.

No matter what I tell myself, it's not working.

It's better to just kill me.

My Childhood Friend.

When we were still young
We were full of energy
Talked all day and night
Laughing everything away

You grew up faster
Became really busy
No more sleepless nights
Coz of late night calls

I slowly caught up
Was able to get into your world again
There were fun moments
And things were going back

But you were still too fast
I can no longer catch up
You’re leaving once again
It’s much longer this time

Got all the courage out
To share one day with you
As a close childhood friend
It was fun and unforgettable

Time waits for no one
It slowly went by each day
While you wait for that time
When you have to go.

Departure day comes
You left while I was busy
You are now gone
The message just arrived now.

The worst thing is
I feel like crying
But I cannot let anyone see or know
How much I will miss you.

2009.10.29 AM 07:33

A Rant.

I just want to say things. (not really say it out loud. just type.)

I'm irritated. Really irritated.
I can't say I'm not irritated because of others, because I would be a hypocrite if I said that.
I'm also irritated at myself for being so stupid.

I need to learn to shut my mouth. As in, shut it and just don't say unnecessary things. I end up just hurting myself, too.

Things are becoming complicated. I don't understand why anymore. I want to escape for a while. Find a place where I can stop thinking about useless things and be myself.

Being myself. I don't know who I am supposed to be anymore. People say I act like a boy, which is true I anyway. But, I'm still a girl (although I don't want to be looked down upon just because I'm a girl)

I suddenly though of falling in love. Real love and not some puppy love kind of fling. I want to know how it feels like. It intrigues me.

I kind of found a new friend to talk to. Thing is, he likes someone I know. That someone knows him too. I sometimes wish I didn't get to know him. It'll feel weird.

I'm just really irritated.

DIGIDES exam. Hell. Brain died.

Tomorrow is another hell day. Oh well. Must deal with it.

Resurrected.

Only a few people know about this blog.
But anyway, I'm procrastinating. Hahaha.

A lot has happened.

Academics: It is slowly eating me. I'm becoming lazier as each day passes by. It's really boring in school. Trying to listen to profs for 1 hour and 30 minutes each is not exactly fun. Co curricular activities are becoming stressful too.

Home: Previous maids ran off, taking away our PSP. Also, they managed to run away from their debts. Now, we have new maids. Teaching them the rules here at home and even how to cook. T_T I'm really living a nightmare in hell now.

In the past month, I found out a lot of secrets. It shocked me at first, but now, I kind of accepted it already. I guess things aren't always what they seem to be. I learned that the hard way.

I shifted from CS-IST to CS-ST. I don't know if it would be better. But hopefully I didn't make the wrong choice. I'm looking forward to the next term, if I could live till the end of this term that is. Hahaha. Next term would be an even worse hell, if that exists. I will be taking up 4 majors. God bless me.

Anyway, these are the most recent happenings. The ones that happened between January 2009 - June 2009 aren't stated here anymore. It would be too long. Hahaha!

PS. I want to find a job. Well, get an income anyway. Hahahaha! I need cash. I keep on spending my allowance on food. I'm becoming a glutton. Noooo!

(empty)

Rant blog.

I wish, and I really wish I would be invisible.
I don't mind if I don't have that much friends.
I just don't like how people talk these days.
Since when did my life become a mess? Maybe last term.
I'm really unhappy about somethings. I just can't say them out loud.
I don't like how things are going.
I desperately need a break from all this drama. (Even my own.)

I also don't get some people.
They have all the luck in the world.
They have a complete family, and yet they complain about them.
I have a broken family ever since I was in grade school.
My parents never really got along. They just put up a face when they're with friends.
But alone, they fight, hurt each other, and it ain't pretty at all.
Sure I'm blessed too because I can go to school and all that.
I should be happy that I have a lot already, but material things really can't make a person happy for a long time. Maybe for a couple of hours, a day maybe, but not for more than a month.

I'm someone who gets jealous easily. One sign of being insecure.
I don't know why I do that, but it just happens. If I try to stop it, I end up doing stupid things.

I'm not enjoying school either.
It's not fun. Most of the time, I'm misunderstood.
I get influenced easily and not in a good way.
I'd prefer being invisible even if it would be lonely.
No one would care about you at all. Both good and bad.
If you're in trouble, no one would come either. (Which isn't so bad because it's not so different from before.)
No one really helps me before. I keep everything to myself because no one bothers noticing.
I don't want to stand out.
Standing out is not a good thing. People all see you as something someone concluded just because of one incident, or who you're with, or how you act.
I don't label people. (Not unless they really crossed the line, waaay too much.)

I understand why my mom left. I don't mind her reason.
But it really hurts when I notice that she's not around.
I spent most of my time with my mom before and I don't think I want to get used to being the one people ask for help yet. (People meaning my sisters.)

I ran out of things to rant. Woooooow.
Didn't even notice. Oh well, I guess it ends here.